Jus' Kidding

"You don't like children, right?"
My colleague asked me the other day.

I was dumbfounded. We had never spoken about children, how did she know of my feelings toward them?
Was it obvious even from my reactions to the word? Did I flinch involuntarily whenever the C word was mentioned?

To clarify, I don't hate children. I just consider them a different species with whom it is almost impossible for me to communicate. I'm not a child magnet (my brother is one, and a friend is one too), but I wouldn't say I'm a child repellant either. If there were such a cream however, I might just buy it!

Now, my problem is not with kids under 6 months- apparently, they cannot recognize close ups till then, and they're probably just thinking of pooping and feeding anyways! My sister-in-law and sister have both become mothers recently, and holding the former's 4-monther, it was cool for a while, but what do you do after, like an hour? He's smiling, and it's all very cute, but what next? It's like showing a pretty girl's photo on television- some people might put that to good use- but not me!

Now, once the kid starts to talk, I think that is the best time for outsiders, especially if the kid is friendly. So 3-6 is cool too. One word to kids who don't like strangers very much- we too, are not desperate to talk to you- we just do it cos it's the nice thing to do!

For older kids, I know they have the vocabulary straightened out. They're not that wonderstruck at the world anymore- they know themselves as a separate entity, and they have their dinosaur interests- what on earth can we talk about? Plus, they are also more inhibited, and can actually separate the nonsense from the sensible- a major problem for me!

But really, I was convinced of the power of a child's love, just before my marriage.
I was meeting my best friend and a mother of two just before my wedding- I was staying with her for a few days. Her two girls were three and a year and a half. I had seen the elder one earlier, but she was then not within my "communication bracket." Now she was, and she had little choice but to talk with me (and vice-versa, of course).

Now, with kids, I often do what I think is the wrong thing- I just talk like I would with a friend- and my trademark question to any kid is- Who's your best friend? I feel that's as good a conversation starter as I can hope! I'm hopelessly dependent on media (like TV, well, only TV really) after that. Some kids can talk movies, but not all! Thank you, parents of the kids I can talk about movies with!

Now, this disturbing trend of parents not exposing their kids to television and films- where will they learn stuff from? And what can I ever speak with them? Help!!!!!!!

Whenever I try to talk to a kid like a kid, I feel the kid knows he/she's spoken down to, and hates it!

Anyways, coming back to my friend's kid, she soon opened up (after the "best friend" question led her to topics in school, I'm proud to say)! Meanwhile, of course, she was giving her mom a hard time, not eating the things she was supposed to.
As the poet Tyagaraja extols the God in his kriti, "Sarasa Saama Daana Bheda Danda Chatura", she was a master in utilizing the four strategic expedients to achieve her goal- sama (persuation), dana (temptation), bheda (separation), and when all else failed, she tried dhanda (subjugation, or rather, punishment). Of course, the kid was wailing by then, but ate her breakfast.

Now, one more word about me. I probably think too much, but being inexperienced with kids, I assume that every action of mine will be deeply engraved in a kid's mind, and that's why I'm a bit apprehensive to act as I please in front of them!
Now, when a parent scolds a child, my instinct tells me, the parent knows what he/she is doing, so just don't talk. Just wish you were invisible, and leave the rest to God.

Soon, though, my need to fill silence overtakes my instinct, waving goodbye to reason en route as well!

So, while the heavy cloud of the punishment hangs over the air, I laugh nervously, and say something inane like, "Wonderful, see, she's eating now!" That endears me to no-one, I must say!

So, time goes by, we are now taking a train ride to make the girls happy, and the elder kid is holding on to her mother like she would never let go. No anger, no bitterness whatsoever.

Contrast that to fights we have as adults- how long we take to make up, how much thought goes into whether we should apologize, whether the other person is worth it etc. How easy it would be for us to carry no grudges!

And of course, the kid was talking to me. She had had this school project or something- where she had a story to tell. She would say- "Once a dog was crossing a brook." And the story went on. If anyone interrupted her, though, she would have to start from the very beginning. So I did that for a little while, irritating her to no end. Finally, after one too many interruptions, she finished her tale.

Then, she chatted away, while I made fun of her and pulled her leg some more.
"I think she's zapped, cos no elder speaks with her like this," my friend later told me. "They mostly treat her like a kid." I hoped this was a good thing, and was proud to have uncovered the secret to enjoying your time with kids.

I was going away for a couple of days, and returning to meet my friend again. The kid simply wouldn't let go. "You cannot go," she said with a finality and confidence that would've shaken a CEO.

Like Elliot in ET, I was indeed glad that I had finally got the art of communicating with the alien! Of course, I had to go, and did.

When I returned two days later, she had visited her cousins, and had quite forgotten about me! I had to get myself reacquainted with her best friend, and irritate her again during her story before she would get into the comfort zone. Holding no grudge is cool, but holding no memories? C'mon kids!

A year later, I visited India again, and wondered if she remembered me now. I spent another day with my friend, and the kid was now into dance, and had learnt a few choice epithets that she did not hesitate to use! She showed me all the mudras, and as I pretended to do them funnily, she got mad at me "like my miss does", as she said.

When I left this time, I could spot a tear in her eye, and she ran inside.
As I walked away, my eyes mirrored hers, as tears welled up in mine as well!

Of "Mega" importance

Finally!
One of the most watched (in fact, THE most watched mega serial) on Tamil Sun TV is over, my father in law informs me. Of course, there's another, right in its place, produced by the same people! But I was thankful that all those people that were hooked onto it finally had a chance to let go. Now this serial, Annamalai, was not bad as serials go, but a dangerous trend was popping up.

In order to draw maximum emotions from viewers, there was a lot of gore and violence in the serial. Of main concern were these "deaths" that were part of the story line. And not just deaths, they were murders. What's worse, it wasn't confined to the death- one of the final rites was shown with all its accompanying rites and rituals, almost in "real time." And one of the deaths was that of a high-school boy. Considering that this was the most watched TV serial among all age groups (even the 11 to 14-year olds), it is , to say the least, extremely disturbing.

My parents-in-law could not sleep that night, and reports came in that several mothers wailed during that particular episode. Now, while it maybe argued that veracity is important in television culture, children's exposure to gruesome details of death is quite horrifying. Being the mother of two, the producer, actor Radhika Sarath Kumar was way out of line.

This is a disturbing trend among many Tamil (I'm not sure I can apply it across the board to all languages) serials- the screaming, wailing, melodrama that serves no purpose. It does seem like writers have run out of ideas to emotionally touch the viewer, and want to touch raw chords. Each "Mega" (as they are called) is trying to outdo the other, much like the villains of the movies through the 80's- when every villain worth his salt wanted to outdo Gabbar Singh's viciousness.

One other popular serial, which deals with the middle class, has a mother-in-law who screams profanities at the daughter-in-law, with a definite bias towards the higher decibels. What this achieves in terms of the story line is unclear, except justifying shouting as a legitimate form of persuasion.

A talk show on Sab TV (which, in my opinion, is one of the better channels on Indian Television) spoke about the phenomenon, and experts felt that it was just a case of who could move the audience more? Gone are the days of subtle emotions and propriety in television. If it were not for the fact that television is the main entertainment for a lot of Indians, and the fact that children's television on Indian TV is almost non-existent, it might have even been bearable.

A related issue is the appalling lack of sensitivity of the news channels in dealing with tragedy. While even a child would know that American TV adheres to a strict code of conduct while dealing with tragedy, some Indian channels (I'm only familiar with Sun TV in the US, and it is the most watched Indian channel among Tamils) have no such control.

While even the most violent Sept. 11 was televised in a respectful way (albeit after a few snafus), so as to not hurt the sentiments of those who lost loved ones, the tsunami coverage on Sun TV left one cringing. There were mothers beating their chests and wailing uncontrollably on TV, and bodies being thrown into a pit in lieu of a burial. One just fails to understand the objective of such coverage, and the absence of a warning to parents on the graphic nature of the images.

My friend's niece from Chennai, barely 4, kept asking questions about the tsunami. With just the images she had on TV, and no sort of supporting information, she was terrified that the wave would come and take her away. Needless to say, the school did squat about it.

While the whole state was in shock, it was still the media's duty to be respectful to the departed, and lend some dignity to the living. Add to that subtle placement of reports about mismanagement by the State Government (Sun TV is owned by Karunanidhi, the opposition in the Tamilnadu Assembly), and anyone with minimal reasoning powers would be left angry and horrified at such opportunism.

This is not the first time this has happened either. When the Kumbakonam school tragedy (when over a 100 children were burnt to death), there was total disregard for decency and charred remains of children were flashed on the screen with impunity. And then there were reports of Government ineptitude, obviously placed to elicit emotion from the viewer- emotion of a different sort- outrage- against the ruling party.

While I'm not defending any particular political party, I do find the situation appalling. Gone are the days of Doordarshan, when the only shots of a flood we would see were aerial, and some fleeting glimpses of land, or rather, water. While those reports left us craving for more, the present state of affairs leave us shuddering. Is there no happy medium?

Speaking of happy medium, the Pongal programs (Jan 14) on Sun TV were much publicized, and were upbeat to a large extent. Understandable, for a region that is trying to limp back to normal. Now, one permanent fixture of these special programs is the "Patti Manram,” a humorous debate on day-to-day topics. While this year's topic was pretty innocuous, whether relatives added to your happiness or not, one of the jokes did leave me stupefied.

"My wife was on the phone with someone," the debater said. "On finishing her call, I asked her who it was, and she said that the tsunami was coming. I later figured out my sister was coming home." This joke had the audience in splits, but I wasn't humored.

Perhaps this is part of the healing process, I thought.

Later on, I questioned whether there might be a deeper malignancy - that of dispathy. The victims were largely fisherfolk, who had little or no direct interaction with the middle-class. While people further away from the coast do feel very sorry for the people who perished, and enough to do something about it, after a point, tragedies do become points of academic debate and manifest themselves in popular culture, as comments and sometimes, humor.

There was another factor to be considered too- were people overexposed to the tragedy, and constant gory footage of the affected, that they felt overwhelmed by it all? Perhaps humor was just a form of escape.

While 9/11 identified its villain, the tsunami's villain was venerated by the people, so what could be done? Just escape from it all, which is the basis of both healing as well as exacerbating wounds in the fatalist philosophy, prevalent in India.

Such philosophy may go to explain several other thorns in India's flesh, such as corrupt politicians. With the British, India had clearly identified the villain, physically, and they were distinct from themselves. So dealing with the malaise was that much easier. Needless to repeat, the malaise in Indian society was not just the British, but they probably helped band Indians together, sort of.

With independence came the notion of "we are the rulers." Venerated, the leaders were followed blindly through their various stances (rather, changes in them) and their slow and systematic destruction of the moral fiber of society has been easily explained by fatalism. People feel helpless, and popular culture does nothing more than comment or joke upon it.

Maybe it’s time for a dictator to rule India, to be the "other" to get rid of! To cleanse India of Her unscrupulous elements, sacrificing him/her in the process. As the Chinese emperor of Qin says in the Jet Li movie “Hero” explaining why he is a dictator, "Our Land (to keep it together)."

(I don’t seriously mean it,of course!)

The real and the reel

Ha!
Has been a long time since I posted anything on the site. Several things happening, and not one intelligent thought comes to mind!
I would settle for funny, but that escapes me as well!

For one, I thought of writing about things that are possible only in films. I got as far as two points, but they do illustrate an important point in life- I forget which one momentarily!

1. The love sleeping pose: OK- This is by far the most ridiculous thing ever. If you notice "couples in love" in movies, they sleep facing each other (which in itself is not so bad) and also wake up in the exact same pose. Now, try and replicate that at home- always fails!
So I want to try this once, cos we always sleep with our backs facing each other. Firstly, I try to sleep facing my husband, with my head near his shoulder. He groans, "Get your hair out of my face!" Determined to be the "couple in love", I then try to brush my hair back and somehow find a corner where I can stick my face in. "Aw!" That was me, who had dashed againt the most pointed part of my husband's elbow, which was somewhere in the vicinity. I finally find a halfway decent pose where it seems like we can stand each other, and I feel hot breath on my eyes. And it seems like I'm inhaling all the carbon di-oxide my husband is spewing and vice versa.
In about half an hour, I feel out of breath and maybe I've inhaled too much CO2, I think. My head starts to spin, and my eyeballs feel like they're about to move out of the house! So, of course, the "pose" had to be given up. We have now returned to our original pose, but I'm waiting for the day my husband hands me a divorce notice!

2. The elevator myth: Has the elevator ever appeared in less than a minute? Of course, movie scenes and chases often show the elevator as coming right up. Has that ever happened ever? I'm positive that elevators have an inbuilt technology where they are programmed to respond with a time delay.
Have you also noticed that whenever you're in a hurry and have certainly pressed the appropriate button, the only elevator that "condescends" (pls you have to forgive the pun) to stop at your floor isn't going in the same direction as you aspire to? I think those are just robots placed by the selfsame elevator technologists. If you notice, they always say, "Going up/down" in a monotone, the voice you would imagine robots would have.
Now, an inquisitive mind may ask, "Why all this? Why O why?" Indeed, the same reason that Microsoft came up with Windows 2000 with a lot of bugs, so that we may upgrade to Windows XP, when it is released. There is some sort of elevator technology waiting to be unleashed, but they want to wait for the whole world to get elevatorized, so that thay can make a ton of profit! And remember where you heard it first!

So that's as far as I got. Of course, one other thing in Desi movies (especially) that piques me is the portrayal of the college hero.When I went to college, there were two kinds of people- ones that were good in studies, and ones that were good in sports.

So studious were studious and sporty were sporty and the twain didn't often meet. These college "heroes" in movies, however, are good in both, which in itself is not impossible, I agree. Add to that singing, dancing, and girl magnet, and more often than not, rich as well, then you have something just a tad unreal. And have you ever seen the soccer team of the hero's college? He, of course, plays in all the positions, takes the ball from the opponent, dribbles it all the way to the goal and scores! Even the worst coach will know this is not good teamplay, the other 10 might as well not exist (OK, maybe they needed the goalkeeper)!

How about showing the hero as making the important play, but kicking to his teammate, who strikes? Or the other way around, like it is in REAL LIFE sports? And is it even imaginable to handle a spoilt brat girlfriend, a soccer career, topping the exams, while taking on the slimiest politician in town? Even if you're SRK?

Just think about a film with the average kid as the protagonist- one who is average in studies, fails at relationships and is the substitute in the soccer team. One day, he is substituted during a game and scores a goal! But then, who wants to see real life on screen, eh?