PARDESI PARDESI AANA NAHIN

You distinctly realize you’re in the presence of an NRI (esp. one from the good ole US of A) when a person:

1. Is suddenly elevated from “Bhaiyya” to “Sahab” or “Babu” in the eyes of domestic help, while you maintain status quo or in some extreme cases, demoted to “Buntu” or worse…
2. When asked “How are you?” replies with a “Good” instead of a “fine.”
3. Tips generously no matter where he goes, so you are forced to follow his example, regardless of the exchange rate, and for once you wish you were a waitress or a taxi driver.
4. Has a perpetual smile on his face, and says “Thank You” for everything, making you feel like an uncouth gutterwala.
5. Painstakingly explains all relations to his children, while your children identify the same people by the toys their kids own.. eg: Barbie girl house, Remote Control Car house etc.
6. Who when faced with corruption or bureaucracy, takes one of two routes:
   A. Talks like he has never faced any such situation where he lives, totally ignoring the dirty looks you give him.
   B. Desperately tries to control himself from talking about how much things are better where he lives, so desperate that you can almost see those words emerging as sweat.
7. Is asked by your father advice on financial matters, ignoring the fact that the most important thing in the discussion- the finance- has to be provided by you.
8. He sparks off laughter by saying “I need some gas”, “Zip daala kya?” and confusion by asking at the soft drink counter, “What soda do you have?” or announcing at a friends’ gathering, “My favorite sport is football- the toughest game I know of”; and when handed quizzical stares, reacts as if he has no clue what went wrong.
9. Acts as if every second is important to him, never mind that he eats and sleeps all day. Every time someone is late for an appointment, he looks at his watch every 5 seconds, but as the days go by, starts going progressively late for appointments himself.
10. Looks over his shoulder whenever a childhood pal hugs him, hoping no-one else is seeing him. When he spots two guys walking with even the minimal physical contact, looks closely at them for other signs of gayness.
11. Is mathematically a dull head, but is amazingly well versed in the multiplication table of the current Rupee exchange rate (plus or minus one).
12. Expects status quo in the social mores of society, and time to stand still when he was away. Exclaims, “Girls go to the DISCO here?” or “Why are people dyeing their hair in India? Black hair is so beautiful!” as if these were prerogatives of his adopted country. Never mind that his wife’s hair is auburn.
13. For the definitive identifying factor, look for the man wearing shorts in the middle of winter, putting on a brave smile while his teeth are chattering. Listen closely enough, and you might hear, “This is nothing. Wahaan to it goes below zero.”
    
    Ah! The NRI species!